The latest blockbuster has come out. My friends all want to go and see it on Friday night, and I really want to see it to. But I know that I’m not going to be able to enjoy a film on a Friday night… and here’s why.

Obviously the cinema will be busy, and there will be queue’s for tickets. This is something outside of my control, but I can alleviate the problem by turning up a bit earlier to get tickets and guarantee a good seat. But no, the real reason I’m apprehensive about a busy screen is there’s more people, which means more chance of one of them annoying me and ruining my film.

So here’s a list of the common and not so common things which I’ve experienced on more than one occasion, but gan guarantee will have me grinding my teeth through the entire film…

1. Seat Kickers: This happens 80-90% of the time. Even on a relatively quiet night, I’ll be sitting there enjoying the film when all of a sudden my chair gets a thud! I’ll look round and catch someone using my seat as a footrest! Throughout the course of the film they’ll readjust their feet and again… thud! The only defense I have is the huff or tut and to turn my head round angrily to give the perportrator an evil look… this has never stopped them though.

2. Talkers: Can’t you wait till after the film to discuss whatever it is you need to discuss.

3. Badly behaved children:This is getting worse recently with the introduction of the 12A rating, allowing parents to take their little brats along to pretty much any film that’s out there at the moment. They run up and down the aisle, they scream and cry, they spill things. I don’t hate children, but why do parents have to take them to an adult film that they’re obviously not enjoying. Save yourself some money, and me some pain and leave them at home!

4. Armrest hoggers: I once sat through three and a half hours of ‘Lord of the Rings’ next to a fat guy that swelled into the seat next to me, so I only had half a seat effectively. Generally though i’d like just one armrest and if you’re using two and I have none, I won’t be happy.

5. Having to sit at the front: If the screen is packed and the only seats left are at the front, I’d rather miss the film. I tried seeing something in the front row once… ended up with a sore neck and nausea.

6. Mobile phones: Most people know to turn off their phone during a film, but there is always one that doesn’t bother and then proceeds to take the call mid-film. The rest leave there phones on silent and spend the entire film texting, so you get a distracting blue glow eminating from these idiots.

7. Coughers: If you’ve got a cold, don’t come to the cinema. I don’t want to hear you coughing every few minutes. Simple rule… if you can’t keep quiet for the duration of the film, stay at home.

8. Rustlers: People that take an entire picnic to the cinema and then restle with the crisp or sweet rappers oblivious to the noise they’re creating.

9. Laughing during inappropriate moments: What is so funny!! No one else is laughing, so shut up!

10. Latecomers: If you’re more than a few minutes late, you’ve missed the film. End-of-story. I’m comfortable, so don’t want to have to get up to let you through.